Self Love & Skin.
Okaaaaay... We are SO overdue for a catch-up, sorry! I started this blog alongside the website with the very best intentions, but being honest... things feel like they have been going 100mph the past year or so and I let the blog slip through the cracks a tad. But today I'm here to rectify that! Following on from my emotional first episode of #weddingskinwednesday (if you haven't seen the mini-series yet, check out the Temple de Luna IGTV!), I thought it would be a good idea to share a bit more about my story with my skin, including my relationship with my skin in the past, and where I'm at now.
I'm very open about the skin concerns I have and how severe they've been in the past, but sharing what my back looks like currently was a big moment for me in that first episode. I'm sure there are sadly many of you who can relate, but growing up my skin controlled my life. It dictated what I wore, what I did, my relationship with make-up, my self-esteem and confidence as well as my "relationships". I also struggled a lot with my weight, and although I've come leaps and bounds in not only my health (which eventually became my priority when it came to becoming a "healthy weight") but also my relationship with and love for my body, I am very much still on my journey of acceptance of my whole canvas.
With that being said, I view this sort of "work" as a lifelong project. I said so in the very first episode of #weddingskinwednesday, this sort of change doesn't come about overnight. You don't suddenly decide to fully embrace and love every aspect of yourself in one go and hey presto you're done. It's more of a slow burner. We often have spent the majority of our lives picking ourselves apart and criticizing different parts of ourselves, and you can't change that level of conditioning in one fell swoop. As much as we can change the narrative, I'll always be honest, and it's not a lightswitch result.
In the past, and admittedly, when my acne was a lot more severe, my relationship with my skin was awful. It breaks my heart now, but when I was younger and out shopping, if there was a dress or an outfit I'd fallen in love with and picked up to find it had a backless cut or showed my shoulders it went straight back on to the rails. I limited myself in what I wore SO MUCH, and it often affected how I'd feel the rest of the day. I've said before, but in terms of make-up, that was a total mask for me. I used layers and layers of foundation and concealer to try to cover the texture of my spots, hide the angry, red blemishes and skin surrounding them. And I literally would not leave the house without it. My skin also seemed to be an easy target at school when it came to stupid arguments or being picked on... it always came back to my skin and how it looked. I was confident, bubbly and outgoing in myself, but deep down I was obsessed with how "ugly" my skin was, how it was so obvious to everyone and I struggled to ever view myself as "beautiful" in any way, shape or form without makeup. I remember having multiple meltdowns throughout my life about my skin, how it made me feel, how it looked, and how it ruled my life. And now, I feel real empathy for "past Rebecca" and wish I could show her how it turned out! If you'd told me at 15 that in 10 years I'd have launched my own skincare line and have a completely different relationship with my skin, I'd have laughed.
The journey of healing my relationship with my skin wasn't really obvious to start, it crept in subtly and slowly, but looking back, I'd say there were 2 main catalysts: 1) The start of my relationship with my husband (to-be, but he was my boyfriend at the time) 2) My Spiritual Journey, which kinda go hand in hand too. My relationship with my husband has been unlike anything I have ever experienced. From the get-go, he cherished and adored every inch of me, "flaws & all" as they say. He would kiss my cheeks despite them being covered in spots, told me constantly how beautiful I was, and never seemed to notice my skin. He always saw past it. I remember there was a day, we'd been "dating" for about 8 months or so, I was in his kitchen and he just came in and kissed me on the cheek, and I noticed a shift in myself. He'd done this countless times before, but something was different. I noticed that I didn't squirm at the thought of it. I didn't panic as he approached my cheek. I was completely comfortable with it. And it felt amazing. He has always loved me for who I am at my core and has always encouraged me to flourish and embrace that person. Seeing myself through his eyes for a snippet of time changed the way I saw myself. Simultaneously, as I've gone down my spiritual path I've become more and more aligned with my "authentic self" as it's so commonly called, and with this came learning to strip back the masks and truly look myself in the mirror. Again, this is subtle and not something you do in an afternoon! For me, different parts of it happened at different times. With a combination of these two huge factors in my life, I slowly started to feel more comfortable without makeup, I spent time looking at myself in the mirror with intention and started to look for parts of myself that I did like. I noticed that I actually have a decent pair of peepers on me and that my legs ain't too shabby either. I looked at parts of my body that weren't covered in acne, and I looked at the parts that were, and I made a commitment to one day love them equally.
Let me repeat - this has all been a process over a period of time for me, and one I find you tend to get more comfortable with as you familiarise yourself with it. I will wholeheartedly admit it feels weird to start. But trust the process.
In comparison, nowadays, I barely wear a scratch of makeup! I still enjoy putting it on, and I do like how I look when I play around with different styles, but I finally love my natural self much more. Of course, I still have the odd "bad skin day" and some days I do worry about my skin, but to be honest I'm only human, and on those days I just try to refocus myself and remind myself of how far I've come with my skin so far. I have finally found the beauty in myself, and despite the cliché, it was there all along. I just didn't have the perspective to see it.
So I hope this new blog brings you a new perspective too, and if you can, try to take a moment to see yourself through the eyes of someone who absolutely adores you, regardless of who you are, we all have at least one.
As always, I am sending you all so much love and peace, and hope that you are all holding in there on this insane RonaCoaster!